Competitive Craziness

     I'm not sure what happens to some parents when they enroll their children into competitive sports. You see, it all starts out innocently enough, "We don't care if little Suzy wins or loses, we just want her to have fun." Oh sure, some parents are able to keep this attitude and core belief throughout the life of their child's athletic endeavors, but not all. What happened today is case in point. Soccer. Need I say more? The parents from the opposing team were awful today at my 12 year old son's game. Yelling obscenities at their kids, screaming "they didn't earn that!" when our team scored- ugly, ugly stuff. We tied, our boys celebrated by getting into a circle holding hands, falling and then rolling backward, kicking their feet into the air and squealing. Their boys- also in a circle receiving a verbal beating from coaches and parents alike. Sad.

Of course as a professional coach I have seen this behavior all to often in the gymnastics world. Admittedly a bit more dignified. Same thing, parents becoming livid when their child fails to perform or "deliver" the win. While it is easy to become caught up in competition, if parents can not separate the win or loss from the child, almost always the child will eventually stop the sport altogether.

  In 20 years of coaching and owning a club, a parent has left my gym from time to time because we didn't push the child hard enough. I get that. I also know the chances of seeing that child long term in the sport with a coach that pushes "as hard as the parent wants" are slim. Great athletes- champions are less developed than they are nurtured. The degree of greatness that separates amazing athletes isn't something coached, it's naturally occurring and it has little to do with talent (although this helps). It's drive. If they don't have it, you are not going to see those blue ribbons no matter how amazing the coach says they are, or how hard the child is  pushed. Ah! you say, you've seen this work, it is working right now for your child. Okay, come talk to me in five years and we will see what sport or activity your kid is in.This method of intense pressure, must win and even punitive atmosphere almost always fail to produce long term. Why? Kids get tired of the negativity and quit.


You want a champion? Make sure your child enjoys the sport, find a club or coach that is positive, sit back and relax, and remember this sentence: "Great job honey- you looked good out there- did you have fun, great! are you hungry? 

Kids and sports, it's a long road from childhood to college. It's a marathon not a sprint. Take it easy and enjoy the journey.